What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 21.06.2025 01:55
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
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At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Who then, do I blame.?
She wouldn,t have been !
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Do handsome guys intimidate women or people in general?
Why did i forgive my father ?
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I was very sick at this time too.
I couldn’t, believe it.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
She found it foreign!.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
He knew the spot.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
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As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Has a psychic ever made a crazy prediction that turned out to be true?
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
But ive been too sick for many years..
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
How can I stop overthinking and take action more quickly?
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
She was in good health!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Can I know a love story of a medical student?
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Comes on , in middle age.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Im still living with it.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
What is the rudest/meanest thing a family member has said to you?
Especially a lifetime of it.
Put me off passion for life!!
I was seconnd youngest,
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
He resisted the act ,that day.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I was scared of men, in general
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
All the time i was locked up.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
What did i know ?
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I think the readers, may guess!
But, we were locked up after school.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
It was going to be , some day.
Was to survive, this bastard.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I will be 64.
We all went to grammer schools
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I have no regrets .
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Would this be the day?
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Ive learnt so much.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
So, i spoilt her more .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I never cut or harmed myself..
My family never makes their pension either.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
And who doesn’t know suffering?
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I said to her
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I don,t even have a pension.
We were not on the streets..
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I could never make a relationship work though!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
And i lived it daily.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
When she asked me how she looked .
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
The only rule us 5 kids had .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
This is soul school!.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
(And it was in our own minds.)
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
One cannot live in the past .
I waited trembling.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
She married twice! .
She loved him until the end.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
But it wasn’t much.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I write beautiful poetry .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I was 9 years of age.
So whats the point in blame.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
My life is so biszare .
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.